There was an amusing read in the newspaper the other day. A man had decided to make his wife his sister! Moreover, he had also promised her that he would marry her off to the person she was in love with. Wonder of wonders, his parents too were supportive of this ‘strange’ act. The background of the story is this—being forcefully married off to someone she didn’t even know, the girl mustered her courage to tell so to her ‘husband’. Instead of the “biff bang thud” sequences we see on T.V and read about in newspapers these days, the boy was quite sensible to see that her and possibly his happiness lay in them being married to the person they like and relate with. Nothing ever comes out of a forced, unhappy marriage, rather than broken homes, broken hearts and in some cases a few broken bones.
Having said that, it is important to ask the oft-debated question. What exactly is a happy marriage? Is it one where the husband gets his full freedom to do whatever he wants, or the one where the wife leads a life that is not under the thumb of the husband? (Quite a few feminists will be happy with that!) Or is it one where the couple make romantic getaways from time to time? Or the one where the husband and wife have no arguments, no difference of opinion, lead a complete no-row existence, get along perfectly with their in-laws, agree on everything under the sun...? The list is endless, and also, ridiculous.
No relationship can survive without arguments, they bring out the worst in people, and it is in spite of that, that we love them. No one in this world has complete freedom over anything. Either the freedom ends where one decides, or the society decides, or the family decides. Ask yourself for example, who would wear a nightgown to work? Why not? Isn’t it a matter of curtailing your freedom if you are not allowed to? How does a slight case of ‘not-letting-me-have-my-way’ become such an issue in relationships? And, who ever gets along perfectly with anyone in this world? All of us are individuals, with our own peculiarities and eccentricities, madness, obsessions and the like. If you can love every bit of yourselves, completely, uninhibited, without any regrets, why is it so difficult to ignore ‘some’ of these very peculiarities of the person you are with?
The media has given us only two visuals—one of families that lead “perfect” existences and the other with all the imperfections there can be. A real family is yet to be seen represented in the media. We tend to swallow these images without pausing to chew them. At the sight of a small problem, our minds are programmed to think of the worst-case scenario and press the panic button. If the patience women showed in getting ready for work (all those coloured powders for your chin, cheeks, nose and eyes, and those sparkling colours on toes that change shades to the dresses) and men showed while sitting in front of the computer (gaming, excel sheets, online trading and others quite undefined and apparently un-explainable) was present in understanding the needs of your partner (and also yourself in relation to him/her), marriages would not be such thorn walks ever.
Love is not just loving your partner, but it is also having the patience to love the very same you, as your partner sees you. No one finds the perfect man or woman, we just make them perfect in our heads.
